why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
