I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
as a side note pls kill me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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