Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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