I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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