Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
