i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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