I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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