turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
