you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
