I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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