I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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