Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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