After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
