Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
