so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
