Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
