i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
