She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
