Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
