I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
