Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
