I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
