Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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