Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You have to summon your inner elephant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
