I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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