I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
