a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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