I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
