Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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