there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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