you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
