ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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