He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
