I want to have your abortion
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
