Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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