I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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