haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
