you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
