i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
