you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
