1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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