ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think i got beer on your cat.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
