It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
