His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
