I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this just has baby written all over it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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