This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
