She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
