dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
