i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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