I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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