Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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