I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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