if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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