So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Randomize
