gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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