I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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