apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
