THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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