did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
