wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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