i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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