sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
