I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
