if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
