she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish you could order shots online.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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