I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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