my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Drake has all the answers
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
