weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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