im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize