My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
