before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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