just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize