Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize