It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
