i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
