Don't make out with my wife yet
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize