____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm like, not good at living.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
