Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
