So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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