Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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