I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize