Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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