Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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