So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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