I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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