your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
