Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
