One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
