this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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