quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I love having hate sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
