Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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