i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
