he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
