just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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