I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
