Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize