Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
