Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
