I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
