Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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