maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
