Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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