my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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