just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
