i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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