I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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