I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
